A day of redemption

Oh man, what a ride today.

It started out so wrong, though.

First I overdressed, because I was freezing to death when I went for a bite to eat, the wind was blowing hard, dark clouds had moved in. There were millions of people in town with triple baby strollers, the result of powerful fertility drugs and maybe petri dishes.

Kids flailing, crying, getting yelled at. Fathers walking around in a daze, wishing they were at home watching the game.

MSN said it was 55 degrees out. I said "that can't be right".

There is nothing worse than being overdressed, trying to penentrate a strong headwind. Gore-tex is a new strange thing to me, I'm still trying to acclimate to what the hell it's really for.

Then there was this dickweed road racer guy on a Giant carbon fiber who decides he's gonna draft me without asking permission. I'm sorry, but if you want to deeply inhale my fart scent from a foot away, we better be acquainted first.

I saw him in my mirror but acted like I didn't, as I had on dark sunglasses.

So he sneaks up behind me. Hangs in my blind spot

I thought about slamming on the brakes for a second.

Just for fun, I suddenly haul ass, but it's hopeless. Squeaky is a slow bike, and his small ring is skipping now, so I had to choose the next one up. This makes me look like a chump for a second, but I accelerated enough to drop him back about ten yards for a bit.

The guy catches right up, of course, comes right up next to me, really close and begins what I call the "dick-move ritual": Appear friendly , but you're really not, you're just trying to sneer, but don't make it look too obvious. I am getting so sick of this stupid game. They do it all the time around here.

He is gnarly, unshaven . Dorky looking.

"Hey how's it goin?"

I said: "Excuse me, when you pass someone, you're supposed to give them adequate warning as you approach from behind. Ever hear the term 'on your left'? It's in the vehicle law! You could have startled me, and we could have locked handlebars and both gone down and then gotten run over. WTF???"

After hearing no apology, I swerved into him like they do in races, we bumped for a second.

I said "wanna lock handlebars?"


He was clueless, or just playing me: "How about this wind, huh?"

"Did you hear what I just said? (In a clear, loud voice) I'm getting so sick of this shit".

I also had my whistle in my mouth, I was going to blow it in his ear to startle him right back.

Uh, uh yeah...

At that second, an SUV passes both of us, doing 60. The driver now completely pissed off that there are two riders, not riding single file. She blares the horn.

"Now you see what you did? Now you're pissing off the drivers.
(I waved my hand , gesturing at the speeding vehicle).
WTF???!!!

The guy was completely oblivious that there's a vehicle passing us. At this point, I start to wonder if he is on some sort of medication.

When I pass someone, you bet I time my move to avoid vehicles behind me

(He shrugs , drops me)

"have a nice ride, asshole". This is the fourth time this type of thing has happened.

Next time some idiot tries this, I'm going to stop abruptly amd feign a cell phone call. I do not want to engage this BS anymore.

Guys: If you are suffering from an inferiority complex and low self esteem, join a freaking road race. But don't compete with everyone on the road on your training rides. This is pretty weak, IMO.

You might end up doing something stupid and get yourself killed trying to look cool. This puts you into the poser category. Startling other riders on purpose could also possibly get you sued if they crash.

I went another half mile, and then my blinky fell off again. This was the last straw. I was now hot, pissed off and running out of water. I aborted the ride, and amazingly, zipped home in what felt like five minutes with the wind at my back.

Tearing off the Goretex and pile, mumbling expletives, I hydrated, and changed into aero-gear. I grabbed the Peugeot. I pumped the tires up to 120 PSI. I put the blinky on....

And OMG did I fly. This bike is five times faster than the Raleigh, which is really for trudging around, and just being reliable as hell.

I saw the guy who almost crashed into me head-on last week riding the other way.

This time, though, he chose to actually ride with traffic. He told me to "get over it" when I protested his attempt to cross a busy intersection against the flow of traffic. This is suicide, a set-up for the
"crosswalk slam" scenario. But he is young and invincible. He is also unshaven , a grunge-kid.

He completely recognized me, I could tell when we crossed. I did not wave. I am going to let him try his BS another time, then just call the cops, they probably won't do anything, but they need to hear stuff like this. Otherwise, people get killed. Oh, did I already say that?

Going up a hill, I alerted some dog walkers so hey wouldn't blunder out into the road at the critical curve where you need to keep your cadence up, or topple over...

" oh that's a gooood dog". It was a beautiful black lab, that basked in the attention, just trembling with wagging, head bobbing.

They stopped. I had seen these two before. It's so funny how people go for walks at exactly the same time each day, down to the minute almost.
You see them at exactly the same spot in the road every time.

The wife just gave me a blank Yankee- stare with her doofy clown ski-hat on. She was kinda cute, though with her little round spectacles and scrunched up nose.

The guy was distinguished looking, handsome, a reader of books for sure.

Spying the police whistle in my mouth, The guy said:

"Is that what the whistle is for?"

"Nah that's for da Hummers. "

"Oh".


I kept a good hearty cadence the whole way. I was just so amazed how good this bike felt. I have been trying to keep it out of the sand, and I have
to wash it down now.

I love cleaning oil and grit residue from my tub. Oh the sheer joy.


When it's cold as hell out, the aerodynamic thing goes out the window, and it becomes more a matter of completion. as I write this , my windows are vibrating from the intense wind.

I could invest 500.00 for high- tech Patagonia aero-layering, but all my stuff came from the Salvation Army and thrift shops. I love snowboard pants, they wrok great, Nike makes 'em, thrift shop, two bucks.

Today, though, it felt good to haul some ass like riding in the Berks on some of the more challenging routes. I'm glad no one got in the way. Everything suddenly changed. I was a different rider now, competent.

I think it was fair to take the Pug out today. She was like; "See?
See? I can do this!!! Don't forget about me". But she's too beautiful to be a winter bike. I have to figure out her alignment issue so I can ride her no hands.

I'm really not the type to anthropomorphize vehicles and vessels, but maybe I'll get around to giving her some stupid name like "Presta" or something..

Poor Squeaky. He's sick. Cough, Cough.

He's so bummed. I should have left the last freewheel on, but he needs a new chain now anyway, I stretched the hell out of it with all the recent insane hill climbing and intervals.

Well gotta go, time to give the kids a bath, I'll probably be so tired I'll skip my own.